Sunday, December 23, 2007

Stupid Customer Tricks, Holiday Edition

Poeple aren't just busier at Christmas they are dumber. I work retail - I know this. It gets proven every damn year. I had a ...particulairly bad day earlier in the month. Every single thing that could happen happened. Halfway through the day I was certifiably insane I sware if I had killed someone I'ed have totally gotten off. No group of 12 people could look at the rampant idiocy I had to put up with and say, "Oh she knew what she was doing when she put the hanger through that guy's throat." I actually feel rather cheated that i didn't do something like go and get smashed on tequila on my lunch break. I had the perfect excuse and honestly, if it happens again I will so be on the bell tower with a rifle. (Although I think the tallest building in the town is 5 stories and that is the hospital, did you know there is not one escalator in the whole of my city?!? It's so wierd when I get to the big city I go to use one and I realize I have forgotten howto use one ... I just keep kinda missing that key stepping on point ... so embarassing I keep wanting to apologize tot he people behind me and tell them "I used to live where there were REAL shopping malls, honest") Anyways back to the day from hell.

It actually started the night before. I had a woman come into my store to get a refund. No big deal, she bought the pants a week ago, never wore them, has the reciept. She, however, is carrying a bag from another store this is unusual but doesn't mean anything, hell, people have grabbed the first bag they saw and brought in returns in KFC bags (thankfully ungreasy ones) But I check and I see bugundy. We don't have anything in the store that is burgundy. I check the tag. Yup it's from another store. Happens all the time. I say "I'm sorry ma'am, this is from another store. It's just stores to your right towards Sears." Now I am aware it isn't my fault but really people like it when you say your sorry. (And I mean it too, unless they get snarky and ask me if I mean it because then I won't anymore, it's a catch-22). She insists saying she has a reciept. She pulls it out it has the other sore's name on it. The pants are labeled with the other name, the bag has the other store's name, the reciept is from another store- Ladies and gentlemen, we have a trifecta! So I am still calm. I am not laughing at her, I am not upest. I haul out another pair of pants and show her the label, show her the bag and our reciepts, none of them match hers. She gets pretty damn annoyed inisting she bought them in my store and I'm just being difficult...Now at this juncture I'ed like to point out this wasn't someone who was elderly, possibly confused. This woman works in an office for the provincial government. I do believe she is in fact literate. For her sake I was hoping she was simply really, really, drunk (this was actually before the postal incident). I point out that we only sell items with other brands possibly once a year in January, every piece of clothing we sell has our own brand labelled on it. I offer to close my store and walk her the 2 doors down to the other store. She starts to think that perhaps she isn't in the right store after all but it's still not her fault, so decideds to shift her position. "You are owned by the same company!" I mull this over. We have paint on the walls in vaugely the same colour this is the only thing we really have in common. I point out that we are the only retail outlet owned by our parent company which deals in morgages and real estate and that if she was looking to sell her house I could possibly hook her up. I was a bit sarcastic there. She points out that there are similarities on the reciept. Like, you know, the ADDRESS. *sigh* I point out that we also have a grocery store in the mall and she couldn't return , say a spoilt ham, to our store either. She snapped. "Now you are just being silly. I want to see the manager you aren't being helpful at all." I point out that I am a manager (assistant but a manager none the less) and the only one there. Apparently I am lying about this as well. "Well there has to be someone in here to talk to!" I said the only thing that came to mind, "Two doors to your left next to Sears." She storms off. I just about die laughing. So many people think that if you work retail it's because your not smart enough to "get a real job" people with "real jobs" couldn't do my job. Next day (the day from hell) starts with this customer calling me up to bitch about me, to apparently, me. Okaaayy. She felt obligated to tell me that the reciept she had had the wrong phone number on it (it was for the sotre that issued the reciept shockingly enough) and she had to look up our store phone number in the phone book, so apparently she CAN read. She just wanted to tell me that she had written a letter to head office on our company website and she hopes I get fired. I quite reasonably ask which stores website? and she hung up on me. (I checked with the other store to give them the heads up, if they had a complaint registered against them they should know the details because it wasn't thier fault, apparently this story circulated about the other companies' Head Office and she did write a complaint about me to them and they laughed so hard tho not to the woman's face) So yeah I am calling our boss and the other stores' boss to tell them what is going on.

And then, I had a lady come in, and she is really sweet and nice but she does have a bit of dementia and can be hard to predict, comes in ooohs and awes over the new pants saying she needs new pants but she can't try them on because she has a cold... Now if it was a turtleneck (don't think about that one too hard if you have a weak stomach) I'ed understand but pants? She left presubably blowing her nose on her stretch flare jeans...

AND then, I have a guy walk in. I love guys. The come in and they are either so cute and clueless or to the point. I want this and this. Both of which I just love. This guy comes in and says (and this is exactly what he says) "I want to get something for my wife. She shops here all the time. Pick something out for about $200 and I'll be back in about an hour" And that is all he says. I have no idea who his wife is, what size she is, I got nothin. So I go back to trying to get ahold of people in charge of websites and folding sweaters.

AND THEN, (trust me when I tell people about my day they just gasp everytime I say and then, there were a lot of and then's that day) I have another customer come in, who is a little off. She wants the pants in the window. I show it to her and she gets really mad. And I don't know why. "I can't wear pants with zippers!" Cuz apparently I was supposed to know this. Thinking rather fast (and at this point I was more than slightly impressed with myself for being able to think at all) I say if she is allergic to metal we have plastic coated zippers on another style (yeah I know, impressive, huh?) That's when she drops this little bombshell on me. "Women aren't supposed to wear zippers on the FRONT of thier pants. I don't just like it says in the Bible." Bwah? Now I skipped the last few... decades... of church but I think I'ed remember that little rule and if somehow someone discovered a mistranslation and Moses came down with a tablet that said " In 1914 when the zipper is invented (I looked it up) thou women shalt not wear them in the front of thier pants", instead of say that adultary one, I'ed like to think that that would make the news. CNN, the Times, something. As we have no side zips in the store I rather meliciously send her to another store who has a clerk who annoys me.

AND THEN, the guy "shopping" for his wife comes back. And asks me what the hell I've been doing for the last hour as I haven't picked anything out. I point out that I don't know who his wife IS. He says, quite irritably, that his wife shps in the store all the time and I should know her. I ask if he comes in with her. He acts like it was the dumbest question he had ever heard and/or I have just insulted his masculinity and says no. So I stare at him (which I think you will agree was the safest course of action) and he twigs (hala-freaking-lluja). "You don't know who she isss...." I shake my head. "Oh well I got her a watch already anyways, nevermind."

We opened at 10 and all this happened by 12:30 when an associate was scheduled. I apparently looked slightly scary. This is a younger girl with a great attitude, not much phases her but yeah she was all about backing away slowly fron the crazy person.

I went on lunch. AND THEN, (I feel like I am stuck in that Dude, Where's My Car? movie) someone came in trying to return a 3 year old coat that didn't fit his girlfriend, that was from another manufactuor/retail chain. (He came back in last week apparently he forgot what he had bought her and she asked him to return the brown coat back and just brought us the first one he saw, judging by the smell of weed on him this wasn't a shock) I wasn't there but was told when I'ed be back. He didn't come back that day.

And then, I finally get ahold of the boss and tell her about my day and the complaint VIA website, which may or may not come to us. She damn near dies laughing and asks if it's a full moon. Nope but after reviewing my day I hvae come to the conclusion. I know exactly what happened. It wasn't a full moon. My city was hosting the annual full frontal lobodomy survivor reunion.

I can always count on ,my friends to put it in perspective. At least no one asked me for a white shirt with white stripes (http://jinxsa.blogspot.com/2007/07/do-you-have-this-in-white.html)

8 comments:

sharon said...

Dear Jinxsa, I came over from Katie's blog (MissME) as she was my spoiler from SP11. Thank you for the laughter!!! I don't know how you do it!! Way to go on the not killing anyone!!

mjm knitting said...

Not guilty!

Valerie said...

I want to hug you and join you in your rampage. The first story was enough to drive me bonkers, the others, MADNESS! I Say you're right, no one would think you were in your right mind if you took them all out. -=giggle=-

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Holly said...

Ohhh - you should do this all up in a song. It is better than the average country western!

So when do you have time to knit? Or don't you dare bring pointy objects along to work.

I hear skewering customers might be not appreciated by the local law enforcement.

-Holly

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